A Holy Missive for the Weekly Torah Portion from our Teacher, the Light of the World, the Admor Rabbi Yeshaya’le of Kerestir, may his righteous memory be a blessing.
Wednesday, 17th of Shevat, 5786
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”
The holy Zohar explains (Parashat Yitro) that this commandment to honor one’s father and mother is a wondrous commandment, for there is a commandment whose reason is known, and a commandment whose reason is hidden.
And know, the commandment of honoring parents is one of the greatest and most important of the major commandments, concerning both physical and spiritual matters. The honor and reverence of parents is greater and more elevated than any other honor.
The holy Zohar emphasizes the supreme importance of the commandment to honor parents, stating that one is not exempt from this holy commandment for their entire lives, for it is one of the foundations and cornerstones upon which a person must build their entire spiritual life. Without adhering to the foundations, one is not worthy of receiving the blessings of the Torah.
Furthermore, it is brought down in the Midrash Tanchuma and Yalkut Shimoni: “Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai says, just as I am honored in three places (Exodus 20:7, Deuteronomy 5:11, Leviticus 19:12), so too is the honor of father and mother [mentioned] in three places.” Whoever does not honor their father and mother, it is as if they do not honor me. And our Sages have said that the reward for this commandment is longevity, but this is only part of the reward, while the principal remains for the World to Come. The Sages said in the Gemara (Kiddushin 31a): “Come and see the greatness of the reward for the commandment of honoring one’s father and mother, for in a commandment whose fulfillment is difficult and entails financial loss, it is written ‘so that your days may be long.’ How much more so for a commandment that does not involve financial loss.”
And the question is asked why the Torah promised a reward of longevity specifically for the commandment of honoring parents. And they explained that since this commandment extends throughout a person’s entire life and one could, Heaven forbid, become tired of it (as it is included in the category of commandments that have no limit), therefore the Torah came and revealed the reward for it, which is “so that your days may be long.” Furthermore, there is a segulah (remedy or special virtue) in this. Just as one honors their father and mother, they too will be blessed with children who will honor them.
Therefore, my dear brothers, it is incumbent upon us to be diligent in the commandment of honoring our father and mother. It is a very great segulah. And this is what the holy Torah hints at by juxtaposing the Ten Commandments to the portion of Mishpatim, as the holy Or HaChaim wrote. This teaches us that the commandments are a great segulah for a person.
(From Parashat Mishpatim, Aruch Ari)
…from the deeds of our forefathers (Avot). With this, we sanctify our physical bodies, and our souls also receive their holiness from the Avot. And so we find with Jacob our forefather, who honored his father Isaac with great honor. And even when his father’s eyes had dimmed, Jacob did not cease for a moment from honoring him, and it was through the merit of honoring his father and mother that he received the blessings.
We find an awesome story in the addition to the Jerusalem Talmud (Pe’ah, Chapter 1) about a non-Jew named Dama ben Netina, who honored his father greatly. A jewel from the High Priest’s breastplate was lost, and its value was immense. The Sages came to Dama, as he had a similar jewel, and wanted to purchase it from him. The key to the chest was under his father’s head as he slept. Dama ben Netina refused to wake his father, thereby forgoing a huge profit. In the merit of honoring his father, he was rewarded a year later when a red heifer was born in his herd.
And our Sages also relate the story of Rabbi Tarfon, whose mother’s sandal tore, and he would bend down and place his hands under her feet so she could walk on them. And the Sages told him that he had still not reached half the honor that is due. From this, we see the immense importance of honoring parents.
Furthermore, the Halakha (Jewish law) as brought in the Shulchan Aruch is that one must honor them in life and after death. How does one honor them? By giving them food and drink, clothing and covering, and bringing them in and taking them out. And he must do all this with a cheerful countenance, for even if he feeds them the most prized delicacies every day but his face is sour, he will be punished for it.
And regarding giving them food and drink, the law is that if the father has his own money, the son should provide for him from the father’s money. And if the father does not have money and the son does, they compel the son to provide for his father according to his means. And know that the true and proper way to fulfill the commandment of honoring one’s father and mother is when one provides for them from their own pocket. But if they provide for them from the father’s own money, although there is a commandment of honoring in this, the primary honor is when he provides for them from his own.
Regarding awe (mora), one should not stand in their designated place, nor sit in their designated place, nor contradict their words, nor decide a matter in their presence. And after their death, one must honor them even more than during their lifetime. If one mentions them within twelve months of their passing, one should say, “I am the atonement for his resting place.” And after twelve months, one should say, “May his memory be a blessing for life in the World to Come.”
And we find in the holy books that reciting Kaddish and Mishnayot and giving charity in memory of their souls brings them great spiritual pleasure in the Upper World.
And here is a great and awesome segulah from the holy books, that whoever is careful in honoring their father and mother, God honors them. As our Sages said, “He will do your will for His own sake.” And if a person needs salvation for any matter, they should be especially careful in honoring their father and mother, for in that merit, their prayer will be heard.
…the words of the Chida in his book Devash LeFi. And he brings from our Sages who said that there are three partners in the creation of a person: the Holy One, Blessed be He, his father, and his mother. When a person honors his father and mother, the Holy One, Blessed be He, says: “I ascribe it to them as if I dwelt among them and they honored Me.”
And know, my dear brother, a great and awesome principle. Our Sages said that the reward for commandments is not given in this world, for there is no reward for a commandment in this world. And indeed, we find that for all the commandments, the Torah did not reveal their reward. But for two commandments, the Torah did reveal their reward: honoring one’s father and mother, and sending away the mother bird. And the reason for this is that these two commandments are very difficult to fulfill. Therefore, the Torah revealed their reward to encourage a person to fulfill them.
And know, my dear brother, that the commandment of honoring parents is a great and awesome segulah for sustenance. So it is brought in the holy Zohar (Parashat Terumah), that when a person honors their father and mother, a voice goes out and says: “Just as this person provides for their father and mother, so too will their children provide for them.” From this, we learn that the flow of blessing for a person’s sustenance depends on honoring their father and mother.
And know, my dear brother, a great principle. The Torah says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife.” This teaches us that a person is not worthy of marrying a wife and building a faithful home in Israel until they have first fulfilled the commandment of honoring their father and mother properly. And in the merit of honoring their parents, they will be blessed with a good wife and upright children who will also honor them.
And know, my dear brother, the great segulahs that are dependent on the commandment of honoring parents: longevity, success, wealth, good and upright children who will give them spiritual pleasure, and the principal remains for them in the World to Come. And so our Sages said: These are the things for which a person enjoys the fruits in this world, while the principal remains for them in the World to Come: honoring one’s father and mother, performing acts of kindness, and making peace between a person and their fellow.
The holy Rebbe of Ruzhin used to say that even if a person has, Heaven forbid, many flaws and transgressions, but they are strong in the commandment of honoring their father and mother, this serves as a gate through which all their prayers and requests can enter.
And the holy Baal Shem Tov used to say that the foundation of all service to God is the fear of Heaven. And one learns the fear of Heaven from the fear of one’s father and mother.
And our Sages have said that if a person sees that their sustenance is tight, they should examine their deeds concerning the commandment of honoring their father and mother.
The holy Chofetz Chaim, of blessed memory, once needed to travel to an important assembly of the great scholars of Israel. As he was leaving his house, he remembered that his elderly mother had asked him to bring her a glass of milk. The Chofetz Chaim immediately returned home and fulfilled his mother’s request, and only afterward did he travel to the assembly. This teaches us the great importance of honoring parents.
It is told of a certain man that he was meticulous in honoring his father. One time, he needed to travel by sea. His father blessed him that he should be saved from all harm. During the journey, a great storm arose, and the ship was on the verge of sinking. All the passengers threw their belongings into the sea to lighten the load. This man also wanted to throw his belongings into the sea, but he remembered his father’s blessing and did not throw anything away. In the end, the storm subsided, and he was saved. This teaches us of the great power of a father’s blessing.
My dear brother, the commandment of honoring parents is a great foundation for all matters. It is a great segulah for a person to be saved from all troubles and for all their requests to be fulfilled for the good.
And may we merit to fulfill this commandment with joy and love, and through this, may we merit long life and all good. And may the verse “He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and save them” be fulfilled in us, Amen, so may it be His will.
